As the novelty of a new World of Warcraft expansion wears off, subscriber numbers gradually begin to decline. This pattern is natural, especially for a game that’s been around for a decade. In the wake of Warlords of Draenor, however, the dropoff can only be described with a plummeting scream followed by a crunchy splat. 5.6 million people have left the game in a matter of months.
That’s a lot of people. To give you a better idea of what that number means, 5.6 million people is at least 5.5 million more people than I will kiss in my lifetime. If you had 5.6 million boxes it would take forever to move into a new place. A 5.6 million gallon pool would contain the same amount of water as 5.6 million gallon jugs of water.
So why is everyone leaving? The exodus can’t be attributed to any one problem, but a number of missteps that combined to sour the experience.
You might have heard that flying mounts have been disabled in the expansion’s new areas. What you probably didn’t know is that Blizzard also disabled regular mounts so players have to travel on foot, then they went
Shadowrun Hong Kong is a fantastic follow-up to Shadowrun Returns and Dragonfall (the latter being my favorite game of 2014). Hong Kong refines just about every aspect of this RPG series’ formula in some way. Even the writing has improved, pulling away from broader
plot points to spend more time on the small, weird details that bring games to life.
As always, though, when faced with the character creation screen you might find yourself paralyzed by indecision. With so many stats, skills, and class combinations at your disposal it’s difficult to narrow things down. Why not go with one of these characters I’ve planned out for you?
The Obvious Kickstarter Backer
Body: 1, Quickness: 1, Strength: 1, Intelligence: 1, Willpower: 1, Charisma: 1
Choose the “Corporate” etiquette. As soon as you make credits, spend them. Stand around in town for extended periods, hoping lots of people see your face and the hair surrounding it.
Body: 1, Quickness: 1, Strength: 1, Intelligence: 1, Willpower:1 , Charisma:1
Tip your e-fedora to every female you encounter. When forced to converse with another male, either clam up or try to change the topic to cyber-libertarianism
Buyer beware! If you’re thinking about picking up the new Mad Max game to relive the experience of the motion picture Babe: Pig In The City, think twice. I was flabbergasted to discover that the video game and movie have practically nothing in common.
Max is a rugged action man. He just wants his car back. Look, give him the car. Come on. Dude, give him the car.
Max has several facial hair options to choose from. There’s scruffy, longer scruffy, very long and scruffy, scruffy with goggles, scruffy with bandana, scruffy with bandana and goggles, and oil smear on scruffy face.
Max is as good at driving as he is bad at making decisions. He’s also good at holding down X to pick up fuel, holding down the square button to fuel things up, holding down X to open containers, holding down X to kick open doors, holding down X to fill his canteen, and holding down X to eat cans of Dinki-Di dog food.
Babe, on the other hand, is a pig. He’s in the city.
Max is beset on all sides by complete assholes. Spiky cars full of screaming warriors randomly
Lord of the Rings Finally Comes to Nintendos!
The latest game kids are talking about isn’t Pack-min or Laser Blast. It’s Shadows of Mordor, the latest installment in J.R.R. Tolkien’s fictional world of orcs and dungeons.
But it’s not just for nerds! This mega-selling game cartridge can plug into practically any machine on your tv. Once inserted, the realistic graphics will transport you to another world.
There are more than three attack buttons. Movie-like sequences tell the story with camera angles and real recorded dialog – an industry first, making it the most cinematic video game ever made.
This Christmas be sure to look for the box with Mordor Man on the cover.
Everyone has a favorite Nintendo character.
- Green Mario
- Third Mario
- Donkey Guy
- Suck Balloon
- Super Mario
But it’s not possible to know which character is truly the best at fighting. Until now. For the first time players can make their Nintendo guys hit each other for fun. The game is called Super Smashing Brothers Wii U and it is coming to the popular Nintendo Wii system.
The game has caused quite a viral stir online. Fans are abuzz with excitement for Nintendo’s first foray into boxing.
When one man falls down there appears to be an
In a few months we’ll be playing a new Metal Gear Solid. Allow me to be the first to make this observation: These games are a little weird. They’re also hugely innovative, and convoluted, and clever, and very stupid.
Over the years this series has rattled off so many plot twists at such a rapid pace that a map of the story would resemble the aftermath of a twisty straw explosion at the Fibonacci sequence poster factory. But even if your memory of the plot’s subtleties has been blown out by the constant barrage of revelations, some moments from each game were so iconic that they can be recalled as perfectly as if you had just played them.
Metal Gear Solid
- Otacon relates a fifteen minute lecture on the stockpiling and imminent criminalization of astronaut ice cream, accompanied by haunting fmv footage from the Sega CD C&C Music Factory Make My Video game.
- The titular Metal Gear is introduced, a giant walking tank capable of eating far more ice cream than any single man.
- Solid Snake’s brother is revealed to be the mysterious figure previously known only by the codename Other Hair.
- Snake does an anime backflip towards one of
Feel like a dumb jerk? It’s probably because you do game journalism and you don’t got ethics. Everyone hates you. You ruin everything. Try doing some ethics once in a while. Any of these ethics or all of them. Do them on a Kotaku or a Polygon, do them in the free time between your hug class and your thoughtful baby support group.
Say “no” when someone at one of your fancy game journalism parties crushes a rare NES cart into fine powder and offers you a rail to snort.
Don’t rig GameFAQs elections. You know Sephiroth is the best character.
Games journalism at work!!! If you ask me!!!Refuse to accept the many bribes that definitely come your way every week.
Stop tossing an Oculus Rift headset back and forth with one of your colleagues, just out of reach of a gamer standing between the two of you.
Write a game review that does not conflict with the opinion of anyone in your audience. Many of them have spent weeks or months on forums building hype for the game, and are certain it’s going to be great. Just as many think it’s going to be terrible, perhaps because it’s on a platform they
Gaming laptops cost thirty times as much as similarly performing desktops. You can’t upgrade them because their cases are locked and only Prickly Pete has the key. They tend to be less portable than regular laptops, weighing anywhere between fifteen and eighty pounds. Buying a gaming laptop is a terrific idea.
You just need to be sure you’ve chosen the right model. Here are our staff picks, sorted by price. We recommend you buy the most expensive one you can afford, as every thousand dollars spent translates to an additional week before the laptop becomes obsolete.
MSI GhostPro ($2,300)
Benchmark Highlight: 24 fps movie playback
The GhostPro is a good entry-level budget laptop for poors who want to look like true pro gamers. Its keyboard is backlit by a dazzling rainbow of LEDs, which go a long way to alleviate the unit’s most egregious oversights such as the lack of an enormous tribal logo.
Alienware 18 ($4,694)
Benchmark Highlight: The cursor can do 300+ laps around the screen before my hand gets tired
Like all gaming laptops, the Alienware 18 was designed by a stoned tattoo artist. This model goes one step further. The entire thing is covered in one gigantic
Sometimes a game is too busted to make fun of, its flaws so obvious that the game acts as its own observational humorist.
Pictured: Someone using functional software. In other words, sci-fi.
Enter Halo: The Master Chief Collection, from Microsoft (motto: “Push it out the door, these $99 Xbox Ones aren’t selling”) and 343 Industries, makers of Halo 4. You know, the video game that personified the question “Are you sure you care about Halo, and if so could you please tell us why?”
Pointing out that The Master Chief Collection is bad is akin to declaring that you are making a statement. No one is served by the effort. Technically a collection of four Halo games and their multiplayer components, The Master Chief Collection is in fact a menu that presents several buttons and submenus, each containing a fabulous array of errors and lock-ups.
The game was busted at launch and is still nowhere near fixed. In fact, it’s not even ready to be properly made fun of. That’s why I’m taking a different, positive angle today. Let’s celebrate the parts of Halo: The Master Chief Collection that actually work!
- Once it has been placed inside the Xbox One, the game